Pieces of last words counting down...

Dear, here comes the last Saturday night in 2012. I'm alone at my room, nothing to do, so let's think of some memories...

For all memories we passed together, thank you and sorry.

For all relationships we built and cracked. For all people come into and go out of my life. 

Thank you and sorry.

Realized I can't please everyone in my life, for the one who stay and move. 

Thank you and sorry.

For all people I hurt and hurt me. For all people I give happiness and give mine. 

Thank you and sorry.

For all people I hope for and hope for me. For all people I depend on and depend on me. 

Thank you and sorry.

For all tears and laughs, whether it's cause by someone or something, happiness or sad, deserved or useless. 

Thank you and sorry.

For the one hate me and love me, thank you and sorry.

For those feelings, memories, journeys, sacrifices, times, thank you and sorry.

For everything, everyone, everywhere, everytime, thank you and sorry.

Found out it's so much tired a lot when you care for someone and they don't even care about you. 

So, from now on, let's maintain the one who deserve and let go who don't. 

Try to lower expectation in someone and if they don't need you in their life, why can't you?

Try to be there when everyone need you, but try to survive alone when you're down, because the one that know your best is yourself.

Try to listen anything that everyone wanna share with you and understand their feelings, but try to share your things only if it's important to the one.

Try to make time for helping and accompanying them, but try not to be attached by their help and presence.

Try to take care of the one whom needed, but don't forget to take a good care of yourself.

This is not an egoism, selfish, or etc. It's just some ways to prevent yourself from being hurt too much again, too much disappointment, sufferings, and tears. 

Focus on yourself and pay attention to others.

Say cheers to a new year, a new better life, new hopes and dreams, new feelings, and be a new better person!

2013 New Year Wishes ^^

Dear,

It's different for this year, dear! Last year I only had a simple wish that I could graduate and found a good job. This year, I'm thinking bout my some wishes and some lists that I gonna do through the next new year... Here we go...

1. My job

I hope I can get this job. Actually, I don't have a dream about the job I want, I thinks it's quite nice.  Yeah, as an internal auditor in one of big companies. I hope I can be a permanent employee there. My colleagues, they are nice and support me. Maybe in January 2013, I am going to have a presentation and I wish for everything going well. :) Wish me luck dear!

2. Our relationship

I can't describe how I feel when I'm having this. Through over all, I'm in love in it. No matter what matters, hurts, I just wish for an usual relationship filled with special things. A long distance relationship, a thing that long time ago, I promise myself, I don't wanna this kind of fool thing. Can't you imagine, when you wanna talk to him, you can't even meet. When there's an invitation, let's called wedding invitation, you should go alone without him. Saturday nights you will enjoy it alone or with your friends. So, what's the point of being in that type of relationship. These last two years make me think of new thinking, it comes from my papi too, it's not a problem to have a long distance relationship. As long as you trust each other, lower your expectation, lower your jealousy, each day, when you greet good morning each other, you'll be happy because one day closer you gonna meet each other. Isn't it beautiful dear? You'll miss each other a lot, you'll never get bored, and you still can have lot of time with your friends and others. The points are trust, communication, commitment, and love. So hope, ours long last. And I'm gonna miss him day by day, having new hope to meet him soon.

3. Slim body

I can't believe this be one my lists. :D I'll commit to myself having routine exercise, jogging in the evening and sit up in the morning. Whooo I'm gonna have a slim body and that's sure make each dress fall perfectly into mine :p

4. My brother's graduation

Finally, that's buddy gonna graduate this year...  He told me he's going to graduate in June 2013. How I wish I can attend his graduation. My parents and me will fly there and we'll travel together, maybe for the last time, because I think we're seperated and hard to find time spending together again. So, let's wish I can make it and the time won't coincide with my official duty.

5. Saving

Okay dear, I think it's enough for having fun for one year working. On this second year, I gonna save half of my money consistently for my future. I'm gonna have my own house several years ahead. Since I;m not sure the place I'm gonna stay, I'll save the money in a long term investment. For those all, I've made personal financial template. Let's saving!

6. Travelling

I think you can guess dear, this one will never missed in my lists. Travelling is my passion. So, Belitung is visited. Next trip will be Wakatobi, South East Sulawesi, visit plan in 2013, then Nusa Tenggara Island, Komodo Island, pink beach, then Raja Ampat, the heaven on the earth. Let's plan for Wakatobi first, especially for the money spending there, I hope my plan going well. Then, I've planned to visit Japan with one my friends, if only she is consistent :p We're going to visit Sakura country in July 2014 so I'm gonna prepare the money for this expensive trip. Deeply in my heart, I really wish I can travel with him one day.  I always have a dream to travel with my lovely one some day. :)

7. Ice cream cake for my birthday

Called me childish, dear. You know, from last two year, I wish I will be given a ice cream cake for my birthday, but it didn't happen. So, I wish for next year I'll be given ice cream cake for my birthday, because I really wanna try how it tastes. Otherwise, I'll buy it for myself. :D

8. Dream wishes

I have dream wishes, if only it comes true, it will happen several years later :D I have a dream that my life partner propose me with fireworks proposal or balloon proposal. I think it's really cute and better than candle light dinner. You know, dear, I don't really like that kind of romantic things, such a formal one, sitting face to face with set of menus, it's even not in my imagination. These months, lots of couples getting married, so I think I'm taken along those romantics. :D I just wish that my life partner can be someone I hope for, someone support me, someone never let me walk alone, someone trust and love me, and someone commit to me, we gotta walk along through good or bad.

Last but not least, I wish you all have a joyful Merry Christmas and wonderful Happy New Year! Wish next year will be better, greater, more amazing, wonderful, and fun than this year. 

Sincerely,

Me.

Together or alone?

Relationship are hard! But if you love someone so much, you'll try everything to make it work.

Aku selalu berpikir apakah happy ending di film itu nyata adanya. Mungkin aku tidak akan sepenuhnya percaya tanpa aku mengalaminya sendiri. Setiap pagi aku membuka mata dan mempunyai harapan baru, satu hari lebih dekat hingga waktu bertemu dengannya. We all attracted by looks, but personality makes us stay. Aku tak tahu mengapa aku bisa melihatnya di antara ribuan orang malam itu dan membuatnya nyaris tidak pernah hilang dari hidupku sejak itu. Ya benar, hati ini sudah memilihnya sejak mataku menatap ke dalam matanya, seakan ada perasaan yang tidak biasa, yang kuartikan "Aku menyukainya". Hari dimana aku benar-benar mengenalnya membuatku semakin menyukainya. Kamu tahu, aku biasanya cuek dan tak pernah merasakan apa-apa saat berkencan dengan pria manapun, tapi dengannya, hanya dengan dia, aku merasa nervous. Jika diingat kembali kisahku bertemu dengannya, itu seakan cerita di novel atau sinetron atau film, yang hingga kini aku belum tahu ending nya akan seperti apa. Tentu aku berharap happy ending. Bukankah semua wanita menginginkan pria pertama yang singgah di hatinya akan menjadi pria terakhir bersamanya menghabiskan sepanjang sisa hidupnya. Mungkin itu terkesan mimpi yang teramat sempurna. Tak ada salahnya aku memiliki mimpi seperti ittu bukan? 

Relationship takes TWO people to work. Not one person being faithful and another acting single.

Semalem aku telah mengutarakan segalanya secara jelas kepadanya, tentang perasaanku, tentang kerisauanku. Kurasa dia telah memahaminya secara jelas, sobat. Dapat kukatakan, sekarang semuanya berada di tangannya, dan aku menyerahkan seluruhnya. Mungkin juga aku bodoh membuat dia memiliki kekuatan untuk menyakitiku, namun ini sudah terlanjur, hati ini sudah memilih, sobat.

Semalam aku tidur cukup larut dan kumatikan alarm karena aku ingin benar-benar membiarkan tubuhku beristirahat. Aku bangun agak siang pagi ini. Saat aku membuka mata, mengecek blackberry ku, membaca ucapan selamat pagi darinya. Ini hal yang tidak biasanya, karena biasanya dia selalu bangun lebih siang dariku. Kemudian aku teringat liburan Natal beberapa hari ke depan dimana aku tidak memiliki rencana merayakannya. Aku menyadari aku sendiri tanpanya di sisiku. I just wonder whether he needs me as I need him. So, I cheer up myself to have a "me" holiday.

Seharian ini aku menonton film-film drama Hollywood, aku mendapat beberapa makna dari film-film itu dan kurasa membuatku lebih baik. Dia hilang seharian ini, aku benci mengakuinya, aku rindu dia, sobat. Aku tidak tahu apakah dia merasakan hal yang sama. Aku hanya merasa selama ini dia tidak pernah kesepian seperti diriku hingga diriku lah yang bergantung pada kehadirannya dalam hari-hariku. 

If he said it, he thinks it. And if he thinks it, he feels it. And if he feels it, what choice I have?

Tell me I'm egoist, I wanna him here, next to me...
Tell me I'm stupid, I need him, be my side...
Tell me I'm dumb, I wait for his text whom I'm not sure he miss me or not...
Tell me I'm poor, be there for everyone needs me, when it comes to me, I have none...
And it's really funny, the one you expect to call you or even a message, didn't turn up. The one you avoid, can't stop sending you messages and even call you...

Saat ini aku benar-benar merasakan yang dulu teman-temanku sering bercerita, orang yang kita harapkan sering kali bukan orang yang kasih perhatian pada kita. Dan aku juga kini merasakan teman-teman wanita yang sering kali ngedumel saat pacar mereka pergi dengan yang lain. Dulu aku tidak mengerti mengapa hal seperti itu menjadi masalah. Kini, aku memahaminya, saat diriku sendiri, aku ingin dia berada di sampingku, saat dia tidak mampu melakukannya, hanya lewat media komunikasi saja itu cukup menghiburku, saat dia bahkan tidak berkomunikasi denganku, aku merasa kehilangan, aku benci mengakui perasaan kekanak-kanakan ini, sobat. Aku sudah berjanji aku tidak akan bergantung pada siapapun, tapi kenyataannya tidak demikian. Aku membiarkan diri ini bergantung padanya dan memberikan kekuatan padanya untuk menyakitiku. Aku ini seperti orang bodoh, yang tahu apa yang harus dilakukan, namun tidak mampu melakukannya. I'm afraid he might not stay. Kamu tahu, kadang wanita butuh pengakuan, itu membuat mereka lebih merasa aman, meski itu tidak menjamin apapun. 

Kadang aku berpikir apakah orang ditakdirkan untuk bersama atau sendiri. Banyak pasangan yang menikah setelah puluhan tahun bersama, memilih untuk berpisah. Mereka mampu melakukannya dan menjalani hidup masing-masing. Ada pasangan yang setia hingga maut memisahkan mereka. Pada akhirnya ketika kita meninggalkan dunia ini, kita pergi sendirian bukan. Namun ada juga cerita yang pasangannya mengikutinya pergi karena tidak kuat hidup sendiri. Dua kondisi tersebut nyata terjadi dan aku bingung menentukan aku termasuk tipe yang seperti apa. 

Mungkin saat ini aku cenderung tipe yang kedua, yang kurasakan aku bergantung padanya, mungkin ini tidak baik atau apapun, aku tak bisa menjawab dengan pasti. Aku pernah melakukannya dua tahun lalu, berusaha mengingkari, membatasi hati ini untuk tidak bergantung padanya, karena pada akhirnya dia tetap akan pergi, terpisah oleh jarak, dan kuakui saat itu aku takut hati ini sakit, sehingga keputusan untuk menjauh adalah yang terbaik. Inilah yang kukatakan karma pada tulisanku sebelumnya. Saat ini aku telah mengakuinya dan membiarkan hati ini bebas menentukan jalan, namun segalanya masih terasa semu hingga kini. Haruskah aku bersikap seperti dulu, sobat? Aku sudah memperjuangkan dirinya di hadapan kedua orangtuaku. Dia, pria bodoh ini, satu-satunya pria yang selalu membuatku melakukan apa yang tidak pernah kulakukan sebelumnya, dan dia menjadi orang pertama alasanku melakukan hal yang tidak biasa dalam hidupku, gengsi, pengakuan, apapun itu. Aku merasa aku melangkah terlalu jauh yang nantinya jika tidak berakhir baik akan membuatku hancur terlalu buruk dan jatuh terlalu sakit. Aku pasrah, sobat. Aku akan menerima dengan lapang apapun yang akan terjadi. Petunjuk itu mungkin tidak tepat, rasa ini mungkin tidak benar, hati ini mungkin tidak tahu. 

So, let's make a deal...

If he needs me, I'll be his side whenever he needs me...

If he doesn't need me, then I should try too...

If he try to make it work, I'll stay...

If he doesn't wanna try to make it work, then I should stop make it...

If he's into me, I never let him go...

If he's just not that into me, then I should try to let him go...

Together or alone? Mr. Time, I'll let you give me an answer, but I do hope, it's the first one. :)

 

It’s time to say goodbye or see you again?

If someone seriously wants to be a part of your life, they will seriously make an effort to be in it. No reasons no excuses.

So, this is it, quite same feeling with two years ago, but it’s so much better now. I’ve known him and I’m truly sure what I choose and going on.

It’s not I don’t support him, I do. Last two years, I did the same things. Finally, he chose what he want. Then, what else I can do, what I should do. Nothing. The only thing I can do is mentioning his name in my prayer every day, wishing him the best. Once again, I let him go and prepare the worst thing might be happened. I trust him now, but when it’s no balance, everything seems useless. He’s still not sure and I admit it’s annoying so much. I’m sure and trust him with this distance, but he’s not. Then, I can’t do anything more, don’t know what it’s going to be. Let time, once again, giving me the answer. More over, I wish I can survive from this unsure ones.

If someone can live without me, forget me in their life, then I should try doing the same thing.

I don’t have a type, if I like him, I like him. But you know, sometimes I think what I’m feeling now can be called “karma”. I denied my feeling first, now when the time I confess, that’s all.  Or maybe it’s because I ignored some people, then it’s the time for me feeling these things. Whatever it is, I accept with sincere heart, enjoy the feeling, good or bad, who knows?

I try to accept him with all those annoying things. You can’t have everything but you don’t need everything to make your life complete. Let’s make it simple, if he doesn’t think it’s annoying or problem, then why I should? If he doesn’t mind about some things, then why I should? Maybe girls play so hard to get, because guys play so hard to keep.

Handing these things to Buddha, praying for the best will be going on, accepting and enjoying these kinds of feelings. I think I can stay, if he can promise to never leave.

After awhile, waiting gets boring. Your crush doesn’t seems so attractive anymore and you realize you need to stop wasting your time.

First, I'm really sure, I've chosen him, but when he's not sure, i will think about mine. I prepare myself not to look for much attention from him, he’ll be very busy there with his new life, friends, and environment. I just should let him go to try those new things. Unless he come back or not, time will answer it, because I’m sure, if he’s mine, he’ll always be. Nobody is ever “too busy”, if they’re interested they’ll make time. 

Sebuah cinta memang harus diungkapkan karena tidak pernah ada cinta yang disembunyikan, kecuali oleh seseorang yang terlalu mencintai dirinya sendiri.

Dia orang yang paling cuek, menyebalkan, dan keras kepala, namun menciptakan rasa berbeda dalam diriku.

Sejak pertama aku melihatnya, hati ini telah memilih dia, dia yang pertama bagiku, biarkanlah waktu yang membuktikan dia menjadi yang terakhir.

Hampa.

Dear, kamu pernah merasa kosong dengan dirimu sendiri? Aku kira kamu tidak pernah merasakannya karena kamu selalu disibukkan menunggu curhatan. Tetapi, aku kadang berpikir, seandainya saja kamu bisa mengutarakan apa yang kamu rasakan? Akankah kamu mengatakan padaku bahwa kamu bosan mendengar seluruh curhatanku, kamu jenuh mendengar kisah yang berulang kali kuutarakan, ataukah sebenarnya kamu merasa terpaksa melakukannya? Aku hanya ingin tahu perasaanmu karena perasaanku sekarang sedang kosong.

Dua malam aku kembali mengalaminya. Aku tidak mengira akan mengalaminya lagi. Lima malam yang lalu aku kembali mengalami perasaan ini, dan diperparah lagi dengan semalam. Alhasil, aku sakit hari ini, sakit fisik dan mental kurasa. Ini efek yang ditimbulkan setiap kali aku termenung sendiri di kamar, duduk diam tak berbuat apa-apa, pikiran ini kembali berkelana ke mana aja, dan membuat merana. Aku bosan, tidak tahu harus melakukan apa, tidak tahu harus bercerita kepada siapa, meski aku tahu kamu selalu ada untukku, maaf, kadang aku membutuhkan sesuatu yang hidup, sobat. Terkadang bercerita saja tidak cukup, aku butuh orang lain menghiburku, aku butuh orang menguatkanku di saat aku pada titik ini. Aku benci pada harapan ini, harapan yang membuatku selali terpuruk, harapan akan orang lain akan berbuat sama seperti yang kulakukan pada mereka. Meski aku sudah diingatkan berkali-kali, aku harus lebih memberi daripada menerima, bahwa mereka bukan aku, bahwa aku harus tetap mampu mengatasi segalanya sendiri, untuk kesekian kalinya perasaan ini datang dan menghantam keras jiwaku. Aku kembali sakit. Awalnya kukira aku telah lama sembuh ternyata tidak demikian, sobat. Hingga kini, tidak ada orang itu, aku hanya bisa menangis semaleman tanpa tahu mengapa. Perasaan lelah, hampa, tak berarti. Diam, merenung, seperti orang bodoh, dan menangis, hanya itu yang bisa kulakukan, dan aku benci itu. Aku ingin sembuh seutuhnya dan tidak kembali sakit lagi.

Mari menenangkan diri sejenak... Aku pasti bisa... 

5th month in 22nd

Hey, dear! This month is a tough month but still there are some sweet memories.

First week of this fifth month, I visited Bandung again. This time I attended my friend's wedding held on Sunday. I went to Bandung on Friday night as usual. Arrived there, i went out with one of my college's friend. We had karaoke hank out :D Then on Saturday, me and my friends went to one of mall in Bandung. That day rained heavily. On Sunday, finally I met my dear sista since last year. We talked a lot then went to Catholic church for the wedding ceremony. Every time I attended the wedding ceremony, I wondered how mine will go on :p

The second week, I spent with my lovely one :D We planned to have movie date Breaking Dawn on Saturday, 17 November, because  I thought it would be crowded on the premiere day, Friday, 16 November. But he surprised me by coming early and bought the ticket for movie date on Friday night. So, we watched that movie, finally it came to the last one. Actually, I'm not really like that kind of movie but I've watched from the beginning so let's finished the stories :D On Saturday, we went out from Gading, we went to Emporium Pluit to have a bubble tea time, Come Buy, the most delicious, and sushi time. After that, we moved to Central Park, there was a Magnum Gold event, so we tried to choose that gold box, but I was not so lucky to choose the gold box with the gold inside it. Then,  we watched Wreck It Ralph, what a fun movie and ended the beautiful night at the park which was decorated by Christmas ornaments. Yeah, Christmas is coming to the town, so is New Year. :D

The third week was a really damn tired week. I had a training and outbound from my office called Basic Management Program, and it's a must. So, 2 days got class training, and 2 days more had outbound in the jungle. You know, it was fun, but sometimes I was bored, camping again, games again, and same things again, body ache, and became filthy. Well, after all, I passed those things, with an award, the most proactive participant, not so bad right :D

The last week was a frustrated week. Three months from my last holiday made me bored and I didn't know how to describe those kind of feelings. You know, dear, I always make my time for my friends who need me, but when I need them, where they are. When I want to talk about how I felt, I just find no one. There are so many thing in my mind. 

Work life? My colleagues? These all I really want? Do I really have passion for this job? Do I really can accept all their behaviors? Do I really can face those challenges? Am I really into this?

City life? Traffics? Malls? Boring? Do I really can survive in this hectic city? This bored city with all those kind of things? Judge by performances, brands, and positions? 

Love life? Him? Differences? One thing that quite disturbing me, I try to figure out what the difference is between I have him and not. When I cried whole night alone, it seems no different in having someone special in my life. I still can't share these feelings with him, and seems that he just doesn't care bout it. But now, I realize if I keep thinking bout those things, I will be stuck and can't be happy for having him beside me. Because I know, I want him, and I do hope, I am not going to disappointed with my choice. As long as he trying, I'm staying. 

I just had kind of bored moments. I'm okay now. Ready to welcome Christmas, the enjoyable moments in a year, and of course New Year. Though, for sure, I don't have any plan to celebrate both of them, I'm not going home or anywhere. I don't know whom I am going to walk through those moments. Just enjoy the path dear :) My beib, Widya, is going back to Indonesia after spending her time three years in Aussie. Of course, she will be back just for a holiday. We are going to spend this weekend in Bandung so I think my next month will be wonderful and fun month. Just don't get bored with my sharing and see you :)

Sometimes things are better left unsaid...

Telling me one thing and doing another is pointless and wastes both our time.

I'm writing this while I'm getting traffic jam on my way to Bandung. I'm going to attend my friend's wedding ceremony on this Sunday. So here I am, sitting on the minibus and nothing to do, I decide writing to you. Because of the bad network, so I posted this writing to my facebook's notes.

Sometimes things are better left unsaid. People ask you to tell them what you're thinking about because they can't guess. But after you tell them, they pretend like they don't know anything or they don't even care. So what's the point of telling if there's no difference. It's like wind fly away cause dissapointment. 

I get jealous because I'm afraid someone is going to make you happier than I do.

I've told that person what I'm thinking about and what I'm afraid of. It just doesn't mean I don't trust and I truly know action speaks louder than words. But you know, sometimes statement can complete your actions. I really wanna said to you, I'm jealous, but I realise that's really childish so I chose to keep silent. Those things are part of your life and your world that I don't mean to change anything. Sometimes I just want to be part of them though I know I've already been part of your other world. 

I've told you times about things that bother me indirectly but seems that you keep continuing those things. No, I'm not mad. I don't need to be. Feelings can't lie. I had those kind of feelings, still having, but I hope I'm not going to have. Maybe I haven't understood yet or I'm just too sensitive. What I should do, just forget it, pretend that everything's alright, left unsaid, hope I can understand more.

If you weren't jealous every once in a while, you wouldn't be in love. 

4th month in 22nd

Life is showing me who really worthwhile and who is not...

Hey, you! Sorry for late sharing this month to you... Let's named this month beloved month :D

First week of this month, my company celebrated its 40th anniversary in a luxurious auditorium. I came to that celebration with two of my colleagues who are my guys then some hang outs. It's not so much for the first week.

The second week I was so busy with my audit tasks so I came late almost every day. Half of this week I spent again at flower city, Bandung. I attended my besties' graduation. Finally, that was the day they graduated. Hope they are going to get good job and may the best come to them. Of course, this visit I met him and I had written earlier...

The third week i finished my audit tasks and had a closing meeting before I had a long weekend. I decided back to my hometown after ten months. Four days three nights I think it's enough for me. My parents picked me up at airport, when I saw them, their faces were cheerful. We had brunch then I went to meet my girls, we went out till night. What did we do? We had late lunch at a Thai restaurant, Jittlada. We talked about everything because long time no see each other. Then, we moved to a sky dining cafe, The Edge, saw the city from 16th floor. Medan isn't so bad at the night. We had dinner at a unique cafe, Waroeng Kopi Waknoer. We're so happy and hope for another hang out day in the future. My days at Medan, I spent mostly with my lovely mom, my best of the bestfriends in this world, we ate, shopped, and hang out together. I knew though she was very busy at that time, still she would make time out for me, that's not everybody can do it for me. She's the best person I had ever known in this world till today. I love you so much, Mom and I'll always miss you...

Last week of this month, two my besties came from Bandung, then we went out to Grand Indonesia.  Every half an hour, we entered resto or cafe. Can you imagine? So, we spent hours around food area in that mall. From Pizza Bar, Mochilla Mochi Ice Cream, Magnum Cafe, Kiyadon Sushi, shopped dress for a while, continued to Come Buy Bubble Tea, then ended at Manhattan The Fish Market. What a fun and tired Saturday night! Getting fat and shopped together, what can be more fun? The next day we had Chinese culinary for breakfast and lunch then I brought them to the travel. After that, I cleaned my room while waiting for the date with my beloved one :p We watched Skyfall which was not so good but still good. What a short time spending with him, but it's quite enough to redeem missing. Days after this weekend, I slept like a pig. After work, I came home, took a bath, and slept till morning. Maybe I was so tired.

Celebration with my beloved people for graduation, coming home, girls night out, girls hang out, dating, this month full of fun and love. Cheers!

Being a female is a matter of birth...

Being a woman is a matter of age...

But being a lady is a matter of choice...

The Marriage Proposal

"He stole my heart, so I stole his last name"

Nowadays, I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I keep browsing about the pre-wedding photos till marriage proposals. I love seeing all those photos, the sweet couples look at each other with love, their faces are cheerful and shining. All those photos are beautiful, captured the lovely moments of two who will hand in hand facing the future together. I just think it doesn’t matter those photos took in beautiful places, or just studios, they just great because captured the love of the couples.

Till I read about some unique marriage proposals, they all really impressed me. Their men’s effort in proposing their women were amazing. They tried to show how much they love their partners, how will they want them in their life, how sure they chose them to spend their rest of life, to tell the world the women they love so much. I dreamed of firework proposal or balloon proposal. Both of them are beautiful in the sky. But though i won't ever get those kinds of proposal, when he, the one I love, propose me, that will become the most beautiful part. 

I’m thinking which story will be mine later, I do have my own story. Every meetings of two people till they become life partner is unique, no matter what it is. So, I’m sure mine is unique in its way.

“To me, you are perfect.”

“I vow to help you love life, to always hold you with tenderness, and to have the patience that love demands. To speak when words are needed, and to share the silence when they’re not. And to live within the warmth of your heart and always call it home.”

Feelings that come back are feelings that never left

Happy Graduation to both my besties, Maria Sun and Fiffy! Finally, you girls one step ahead. Wish you luck and the best for your future! :D

I came to Bandung again on 19 October 2012. After long tired week, finally I went to visit my besties and of course my beloved one too. Arrived at Bandung, felt the cold air, he picked me up and brought me to eat sate padang, long time no eat the yummy sate padang. We canceled our midnight movie dates because I was a little bit tired too.

20 October 2012, graduation day for both besties. I met Fiffy with her boyfriend and we took photos together. Then, I gathered with my college’s friends, the girls, finally it was their day. After that short gathering, I joined Maria’s session. We took several photos. He capture graduation moments of Maria. Su, Yuli, Fitri, and me had lunch at Bieldi, one of my favorite resto during college. Not so much difference, the food’s still delicious and the place’s still simple.

Took a nap for a while before he picked me up and we dated again. We had an early dinner at Daiji Ramen, my most favorite ramen, it tastes so delicious. After that, we had Dredd as our movie date. Then ended our dating at Starbucks. Our date wasn’t such romantic one but once again, it’s not about where or when, it’s just about whom. We talked and saw each other, those two quality things that can’t happen every day. Everything happened after this was beautiful moments. That night was one of my best Saturday night indeed. :D

Last day at Bandung, I spent with him, we went to Green Forest. It’s a resort, café, and outbound. It has a small white chapel and quite beautiful garden. During our visit, there was a couple was having their wedding ceremony there. I like this place, you know. It’s quite nice to sit and have tea time while enjoying the fresh air. :D Wonderful time with your beloved one. What can you expect more than this?

I realized one thing at that time, feelings that come back are the feelings that never left. Years ago, I just didn’t want to admit at that time because I was afraid of those hurts, actually I never forget him. Those feeling to him still the same from years ago till now, even I’m sure now. None will know what’s going to happen. When two meant to be together, everything comes effortless.

So, just let everything flows as the ways and say cheers!

3rd month in 22nd

Anyonghaseyo! This month I felt so much happy, let's called it "joyful month". There were lots of happiness and amazing things happened in my life.

The beginning of this month, one of my colleagues got married but so sad I couldn't attend her wedding party but I wished her and partner the best and happily ever after. Then, I got two old friends would stay for good around Gading. One of them is my friend in colleague and the others is in temple. On the this first week I met both of them. Glad to have them around me. 

On the second week, again, one of my colleagues got married in Bandung, so I shared my time to attend her wedding party besides visit Bandung. I think you have read the stories happened in Bandung. I met him and spent time with him and my besties. I couldn't describe my feeling but for sure thankful for all of those memorable moments. 

Third week was really wonderful. I got holiday again. This time my destination was Belitong and I guess you have read my writing about those amazing beaches in that small island. Everything in that island made me speechless. 

The next week he came to Jakarta and met me and we dated. I have written those moments down. Then the next week he came again because I got off work. He accompanied me and I was shocked. He's just so care you know. Last day of this 3rd month, on 9 October 2012, when I came back from my office, he called me saying that he has arrived in front of my gate. Can you imagine how I felt at that time? I was really really shocked. He asked me to watch the movie. He's just so sweet and surprised me. Once again, it's not about where or when, it's just about whom. 

Dear you,

Thank you for making this month perfect. For everything you have done for me, for every little care you did, for each time you gave, for each portion of your life you shared, for every surprise you made, for every sweet memories you created, for showing me that I'm special and I'm worth.

Regards me.

It's not about where or when, but whom :)

Jakarta, 27-28 September 2012

当我说我对你有感情时，我很乐意表现出来比你能理解的程度要好多了。

When I say that I like you, I really do more than you could understand.

No matter how tired and busy, as long as I can spend my time with my beloved one, I think it's more than enough. Smile and happy, what can I expect more. 

He came to Jakarta for two days, I admit it's such a surprise. He wasn't that kind of person last years ago. 26th March 2010, I've met him in talkshow for the first time. Two half years later, he changed, I changed, everything changed. We met again in different condition but still the same feeling? I'm not sure about this. That chemistry never gets away from me, I realize it so much when our meetings nowadays. I  still feel those strange feelings. Finally, we dated again! I think it's the third date since I knew him, if I'm not wrong. We spent the first night having dinner at Pizza Hut and watching TED. He's so cute, I mean TED :p I can't understand some parts of that movie especially the jokes. Then, we had tea break at Tea Master. He's addicted with bubble tea.

It's about precious moments

The second night was a long nice night for me. We had dinner at Pizza Marzano, the best pizza I've tried, so delicious and really worth the price. He's like child craving for pizza and ate with cheerfully. Then, we went to Calais for the bubble tea again. You know, it's not about where, we just spent in two malls around my place, it's also not about when, we just spent around 11 hours together, it's about whom, hand in hand walking together, the moments, the memories, the talks, the smiles, the laughs, and the happiness. When someone important share their time is precious moments. Can't wait to see him another day in future. We don't know what will happen tomorrow. Just enjoy the moments and say cheers!

Belitong! I'm speechless with your amazing beaches.

Yuhuu!! Gonna share to you my 4 days and 3 nights holiday in a small island called Belitong!

Belitong is an amazing island with beautiful beaches, nice views, rich resources, yummy seasnacks, greens everywhere, and the most I like are the skies and clouds. Those all things made me so speechless!

Setiap kali menggunakan kata "amazing" aku pasti akan teringat dengan lagu "Amazing Kiss" nya BoA. Entah mengapa kata itu benar-benar punya arti mendalam bagiku.

Setelah insiden hampir ketinggalan pesawat karena tidak mendengar panggilan boarding, akhirnya aku dan teman travellingku mendarat dengan mulus di pulau indah ini. Here we were! Kami disambut dengan sarapan mie khas belitong. Actually, itu hanya sejenis lomie di Bandung or emie di Medan. So, it's nothing special meski itu booming sekali di sini.

Mie Belitong

Setelah itu, kami mengunjungi Tanjung Tinggi tempat batu-batu tinggi menjulang yang dijadikan lokasi syuting Laskar Pelangi. Tentu saja aku tidak melewatkan momen untuk berfoto-foto di sana. Pantai Tanjung Tinggi masih sangat bersih dan pasirnya putih seperti tumpukan tepung.

Tanjung Tinggi - Laskar Pelangi

Kemudian kami melanjutkan perjalanan ke Pantai Tanjung Pendam untuk makan siang seafood di tepi pantai. Kami pun mencoba ganga ikan, makanan khas Belitong dan rasanya lezat sekali. Perjalanan pun dilanjutkan ke Bukit Berahu. Kami sempat duduk-duduk merenung di tepi sambil mendengar suara air laut yang menabrak batu-batu. Airnya jernih dan suasananya sangat tenang. Sorenya, kami check in hotel dan istirahat sebentar. Sungguh tidak beruntung langit kelabu sehingga kami tidak dapat menikmati sunset. Kami diajak makan malam di restoran seafood yang rasanya enak sekali, ada menu kepiting, sop baso ikan, cumi blackpepper. Baru hari pertama, kami menyadari kami diperlakukan layaknya putri di private tour ini. Makanannya enak dan pelayanannya memuaskan. :) Baru malam pertama di pulau ini dan kami sudah memutuskan untuk berburu oleh-oleh karena takut hari selanjutnya akan letih. 

Tanjung Kelayang

Hari kedua ini kami habiskan dengan menjelajahi pulau-pulau kecil yang sangat indah di sekitar Belitong. Pulau Kepayang, pulau yang sepi sekali namun airnya jernih dan tetap memiliki khas Belitong, batu yang besar. Kami berenang sebentar di sini dan melanjutkan ke Pulau Lengkuas. Pulau Lengkuas ini sungguh membuatku tak bisa berkata apa-apa selain mengagumi keindahannya. Air, pantai, pasir, batu, dan pemandangan yang sangat wow! Kami menikmati makan siang di pinggir pantai dan menikmati pemandangan yang sungguh indah. Kemudian, kami naik ke mercusuar berlantai 18 untuk melihat dari atas indahnya pulau Lengkuas dan kami hanya bisa menjerit dalam hati, sungguh tak pernah terbayangkan keindahan pulau ini. Di sekitar pulau ini juga ada lokasi snorkeling dengan banyak ikan yang lucu dan terumbu karang warna warni. Kami memberi makan ikan-ikan itu dan tak lupa berfoto ria. Perjalanan selanjutnya ke pulau Burung, sebuah pulau pribadi, yang pemandangannya seperti lukisan. Keren! Selain itu, ada pulau batu berlayar, pulau yang sangat kecil dan isinya hanya batu-batu besar dengan pemandangan yang tak kalah menakjubkan. Kami kembali ke darat untuk berburu sunset, dan sore ini langit juga kelabu. 

Hari ketiga kami diajak melihat sisi lain Belitong, Belitong timur, daerah yang lebih sepi dan sangat jauh berbeda dengan Barat. Dalam perjalanan ke timur, kami singgah di danau Kaolin, danau hasil penambangan kaolin, yang serba putih dan biru turqouise. Vihara Dewi Kwan Im menjadi destinasi pertama kami merupakan vihara tua yang ditemukan tahun 1700an, letaknya di dekat Pantai Burong Mandi. Kami bersembahyang di sana sebentar dan melanjutkan ke Pantai Burong Mandi yang juga tak kalah indahnya dengan pantai-pantai di Belitong barat. Makan siang di restoran dengan banyak peninggalan zaman Belanda yang menghadap tepi danau hasil penambangan timah. Destinasi selanjutnya kota Manggar, kota yang terkenal dengan kota warung 1001 kopi. Kota ini sungguh sepi sekali dan terdapat banyak warung kopi di pinggir jalan. Kami mencoba ngopi di salah satu warkop yang cukup terkenal dan menikmati siang hari yang panas. Kami juga berkunjung ke Bukit Samak , dari atas menikmati pemandangan laut yang memiliki warna biru yang berbeda-beda. Kunjungan selanjutnya ke Pantai Nyiur Melambai yang juga indah. Sepertinya tidak ada pantai yang tidak indah di pulau Belitong. Kami kembali lagi ke Tanjung Pendam untuk berburu sunset dan sekali lagi langit masih juga kelabu. Kami pun membeli oleh-oleh batu satam di toko souvernir. Satam itu batu meteor yang hanya ada di Belitong. Makan malam kami di restoran kecil yang menyediakan kwetiaw goreng yang enak. :) Oh ya, malam ini kami sungguh beruntung mendapatkan kesempatan menikmati suite room. Kami seperti pasangan honeymoon kalau saja berlawan jenis. 

Pagi ini kami diajak ngopi di kopitiam kuno yang sudah terkenal sejak zaman Belanda dan membeli oleh-oleh kopi. Aku juga menikmati telur setengah matang dan suasananya membuatku rindu kampung halaman. Kemudian, kami diantar ke bandara dan saatnya untuk mengucapkan selamat tinggal dengan pulau indah ini. Rasanya setengah nyawa kami akan tinggal di pulau ini. 

Private tour, treated like princess, what can be more wonderful than these all? Spending much money for this worth and wonderful holiday, so happy!

Lengkuas Island

Batu Berlayar

Tanjung Tinggi

Bukit Berahu

Pusat kota Tanjung Pandan, replika Satam

View dari lantai ke 18 mercusuar

Cute red starfish

SD Muhammadiyah - Laskar Pelangi

Cincin satam

Bandung is still a nice place to fall in love once again!

Bandung, 14-16 September 2012.

Two days that make me extra exhausted and extra happy.

Kembali lagi ke kota kecil yang kurindukan, kota kembang dimana bunga-bunga bersemi dengan indahnya. Kadang aku bertanya diriku sendiri dengan heran, mengapa aku bisa jatuh cinta dengan kota ini. Mungkinkah suasananya, kenangan, atau orang? Kedatanganku kali ini untuk menghadiri pernikahan teman kantorku. Aku telah berjanji padanya untuk hadir pada pestanya menyambut gerbang kehidupan lain dalam hidupnya.

Sungguh menjengkelkan mengetahui namaku tidak terdaftar pada booking list travel. Syukurlah, masih tersisa satu tempat duduk di samping supir, sehingga malam itu aku tetap berangkat ke Bandung. Hal yang seperti biasa kulakukan selama perjalanan adalah tidur karena cukup lelah dan setelah berhenti sejenak di rest area maka aku akan bangun, menghitung kilometer demi kilometer sepanjang sisa perjalananku. Suatu kebiasaan yang tidak pernah berubah. Perasaanku tak menentu kali ini melihat kilometer yang semakin membawaku dekat dengan Bandung. Orang pertama yang kutemui saat kumenginjakkan kakiku kembali di kota ini adalah dia. Dia masih seperti dulu, tak banyak berubah dan  aku tetap merasakan perasaan yang sama seperti dulu. Bertemu dengan beberapa orang baru malam itu, kemudian menghabiskan waktu berdua hingga larut malam. Saat itu, meski aku lelah luar biasa karena minggu ini aku cukup sibuk, tapi aku luar biasa senang, merasakan dinginnya udara Bandung dan suasana malam yang menyenangkan.

At Kopitiam Oey Braga

Keesokan paginya, aku bersama tiga orang sahabatku berjalan-jalan mengelilingi beberapa tempat di Bandung. Ini kesempatan yang sangat langka bisa mengumpulkan orang-orang terdekatku dalam satu waktu. Kami mencoba kuliner khas Bandung dan juga puas foto-foto di Braga, salah satu tempat favoritku di Bandung, dan berakhir di Paris van Java. Malamnya, aku menghadiri pesta pernikahan teman kantorku. Setiap menghadiri pesta pernikahan, aku selalu merasa terharu. Dua orang yang akhirnya bersatu dalam sebuah komitmen dan memulai babak baru dalam kehidupan. Setelah perjalanan panjang maupun singkat, mulai hari itu mereka akan mendukung satu sama lain dalam menjalani sisa-sisa hari dalam kehidupan ini. 

 At Vihara Vipasana Graha Lembang

Hari terakhir di Bandung adalah hari yang luar biasa bahagia. Setelah hampir setengah tahun aku tidak berkunjung ke Vihara Vipasana Graha di Lembang, pagi ini aku menyempatkan diri beribadah di sana. Aku berdoa dan memohon petunjuk, sejak dulu ketika ada perasaan tak nyaman dan resah, aku selalu mencari sebuah jawaban di sana. Kali ini, aku juga mendapat sebuah jawaban dan membuatku merasa lebih baik. Hari ini hanya dua sahabatku yang ikut dan didampingi seseorang yang istimewa. Bahkan kedua sahabatku bisa merasakan adanya perubahan di wajahku. Mungkin aku bukan tipe orang yang pintar menyembunyikan perasaan, sehingga orang itu bisa dikatakan cukup bodoh jika tidak menyadarinya bukan? Yah, dia menemani kami bertiga dan kami juga makan siang bersama di sebuah restoran dekat vihara dan berfoto-foto di sana.

At Sapu Lidi Lembang

The same place in different moment make much better feeling. Dulu aku pernah mengunjungi tempat ini bersamanya dan kali ini seakan kenangan itu muncul kembali. Nostalgia yang membuatku makin terperangkap dan aku meminta sahabatku merekam momen kali ini. Kemudian, kami mengunjungi tempat paling favoritku di Bandung saat ini, Belle Vue. Sebuah cafe Prancis di GH Universal Hotel yang memiliki arsitektur yang sangat indah. I wished time could freeze the moment. Satu hari untuk dua tahun yang hilang sungguh tidak cukup, namun aku cukup bahagia. Gather with your best friends and your beloved one, what can happier than this? Momen ini kembali terekam dalam lensa. Hanya dalam lensa, aku dapat membuat momen ini tetap abadi dan tidak akan pernah hilang.

This moment, I wished time could stop, seeing the beautiful view with him beside me.
One of my wishes did come true...

Sebuah perpisahan adalah sebuah pertemuan yang tertunda. Waktu yang singkat sudah cukup membahagiakan dan sebuah pelukan hangat mampu meredam segala ketidaknyamanan. Aku hanya terdiam tanpa berkata apa-apa karena aku membenci perpisahan, perasaan ditinggalkan, dan perasaan dikecewakan. Mungkin ini dulu perasaan seperti ini yang pernah dia rasakan, kini kurasakan. Aku hanya menyerahkannya kembali kepada waktu yang akan menjawabnya. Atau mungkin aku akan kembali mencapai titik jenuh menunggu dan mengharapkan sesuatu yang tidak tentu. Whatever it is, let cheer up myself, always, cheers!

Miss you so...

2nd month in 22nd

Let's called it triple 2 for this month. I don't know what it means, but just make a cute number :D

I began this 2nd month with shopping and movies with my new friend. She was having on job training in my company. Yeah, she was the only one who want to accompany me spending money after office hour hahaha though it wouldn't be longer. Then, there was a birthday celebration for one of my two guys. Both of us didn't have any idea what present for the birthday guy, so we decided to treat him dinner at a seafood restaurant. It's so delicious and made me full to the max. Then the stories go to the Independence Day Celebration at my office. I attended that celebration with my colleagues of course. I knew several among them. Then, I went to supermarket with one of my guys, bought groceries for the very long weekend. After that, we said goodbye to each other, because he would go to Korea for that long holiday. Me? Just stayed cute at my room whole day for this Idul Fitri holiday, cooking for lunch and dinner, cleaning my room, and watching Korean drama called A Gentleman's Dignity. That drama's totally great and wonderful. Besides, it made my mind full of romantic things. That drama's about four 40 years old bachelor with different characters, different love stories, and different side thinking and decisions. It's good for women to know how exactly men think. Half of my holiday I spent with one of my college friend and my high school friend who came back from China. We visited malls and enjoyed Jakarta as a quite city for once in a year. :D People come and go. It's time to say goodbye to my new friend because she would go back to her company again and it's just not sure whether she will come back to my company on next job training. So, me, her, and two guys had a simple farewell dinner in a buffet restaurant, we ate till drop. It's so fun and made us sleepy ahead. One of my temple besties having birthday in this early September, so in the end of my 2nd month, she treated me and two temple guys also in a buffet restaurant. Can you imagine, twice in a week, I'm getting fat, dear. :D Let's have diet next week. I hope the sentence "diet always starts tomorrow" won't be happen. The last day of my 2nd month, two of my temple friends in Medan visited Jakarta, so we met up together and shared lots of things. Everything changes, time moves on, people come and go, but life goes on. For a week ahead, it'll be a hard month for me because of my audit tasks with someone's annoying. After that, I am going to have my holiday to Belitung. Yippie! So, let's still cheers! :)

Aku tidak benar-benar melepasnya

Aku membaca ulang kisah lalu yang pernah kutulis. Yah, dua tahun lalu berlalu dengan satu kedipan mata. Banyak hal terjadi, segala kesedihan, sakit hati, waktu telah menyembuhkan segalanya. Banyak tulisan tentang dirinya, dia menjadi objek terbanyak inspirasi tulisanku yang tidak terjadi pada yang lainnya. Dan saampai titik ini, aku menyadari aku tidak benar-benar melepasnya. Batu itu tetap aja memukau, dan aku salah mengira dia jatuh entah di mana, karena dia tetap ada dalam genggamanku, meski aku mengingkari berat membawanya ke mana-mana, tetapi itu kenyataannya. Saat aku mencari, ternyata dia masih di sana, seiring berjalan waktu, tidak ada yang berubah, batu itu tetap memiiki kilauan yang kembali membuatku merasakan perasaan yang sama seperti dulu. Aku tidak benar-benar melepasnya. Berbagai proses telah dijalani, aku merasa bersalah pada diriku yang dulu mementingkan proses dan mengingkari semuanya. Hingga kini, aku bahkan telah mengenyahkan proses itu untuk orang-orang itu. Maafkanlah aku tidak memberimu kesempatan. Aku tidak tahu apakah dirimu berubah, mungkinkah kamu sangat ingin melompat ke pemilik lainnya? Atau mungkinkah kamu hanya ingin diam tanpa berharap apa-apa. Aku rindu saat-saat dirimu menginginkan hanya diriku yang jadi pemilikmu. Batu itu, aku benar-benar melepasnya, dengan segala asal usulnya yang tak kuketahui, dengan segala misteri yang ada pada dirinya, dengan segala kesedihan yang pernah meliputinya, dengan segala keasingan yang anehnya tidak kupermasalahnya, aku tak benar-benar melepasnya selama ini. Aku tidak akan menjaga apapun dan mungkin kali ini aku bersiap untuk benar-benar jatuh dan merasakan apakah itu sakit atau topangan. Hanya karena ku menyadari, aku tidak benar-benar bisa melepasnya hingga aku benar merasakan kesakitan itu.

Rindu itu

Rindu itu...
Ketika kamu membayangkan seseorang namun tak bisa menatapnya lewat matamu.
Ketika kamu ingin memeluknya namun dia tak ada di depanmu.
Ketika kamu hanya bisa mendengar ucapannya lewat media komunikasi.
Ketika kamu ingin bercerita namun harus puas dengan melihat layar datar.

Rindu itu..
Saat kamu berjalan di pantai ingin menggandengnya, yang tergenggam hanya angin.
Saat kamu melihat suatu kenangan, membayangkan kembali kisah lalu.
Saat dia singgah di ingatanmu, ada debaran halus di hati.
Saat kamu berharap dia ada di hadapanmu untuk kamu tatap dan peluk.

Tanpanya...
Bulan yang dipandang tak terasa cukup indah.
Pelangi yang dilihat tak terasa cukup berwarna.
Langit cerah terasa sedikit sendu.
Hari dijalani dengan sedikit berat.

Hanya berharap dia ada di sini bersamamu...

That Sign

Hello, dear. If you keep listening to me through these months and years, you're bored about what I told you, especially about disappointment. I keep telling myself to stop care and focus on myself, but still I didn't do it and was disappointed again. So, this time, I think I gonna make it real. And the disappointment repeated part is not the only one, here we go...

Last year in July, I have written my praying about a sign. That sign ever came to me once about last two weeks I think. I was surprised for sure. Though, it's not a whole sign, but I was quite surprised. So, I keep thinking that someone from my past, am I just not aware that he's really the one? Huh... I don't know, it's really make me confused. Actually I hope it is. hahaha. Someone's far away, someone's from past, and someone's I had chemistry from the first time saw him. One minute gaze, whole day chemistry, months thinking, whole time heart beats, the only one i feel interested, and the only I can't ask to take photos of me. I just don't know how his feeling about me, everything changes, so do people, does he have feeling the same from years ago? So, what does that sign mean? I need to looking for the answer. Keep walking the path and find out. The half owner of my hear, i hope you know how I'm feeling now.

Sometimes I just miss those old memories...

Hey you!

Sometimes I think I'm really selfish, because I know you are the only one I can look for when I'm bored and feel like don't wanna do anything. So, here I am. Sitting in front of you, looking at your calm face, and start sharing to you again. Forgive me to disturb you or I guess you're happy listening to me.

Sometimes I just miss those old memories. No, dear, it's not like what you're thinking. I just miss them, not  to regret about what had happened. Because I know, I'm living for now, not the past, either the future. Those hurt feelings, those tears, those disaffection, it's funny, I admit that I miss them. I've told you, I've reached at the climax point of no return, And I'm feeling I just miss those parts. So, what do you think? No, it's not because I'm bored and alone. Do you think that if I didn't pass them all, I can be like this. All those people taught me lots of things about what I'm going to do in my life. 

Though I'm still Livia with this face, not more beautiful, even I wish for more charming one ha97..., and little fat now, hmmm... more mature, and more able to control my emotions. People come and go to my life as they're happy doing so. They become color of my life. They are like a cute cake, bitter, sweet, yummy or yucks, no idea, to know what flavor in it, I must try it first. Though it's not yummy or sweet, it's made by someone with love. 

Those old memories, I miss the memories, not the people. They've gone, and I think that's their decisions. Everything changes, so do people. We used to be closed friends, now become strangers. We used to shared everything, now we even can't keep in touch. None's wrong. So what? The conditions, the environment, or anything else? I don't know. There're something can be meant to be together. At the end of my life, I'll be leave alone. I must face it alone. So, let's make positive thinking. These all happened to give me a lesson for my future. 

Now, I've got a good job, having several new friends, but still I feel there's something missing, my life isn't complete as simple like that. I don't know the reason and I'm trying to figure out. Two of my colleagues gave me happy news several days ago, they are going to get married next month. Wow! It's really amazing, there's none of my friends ever share this happy news before. And it's because both of them have the level age of marriage. How about me? Still none beside me. Most of people said you choose a lot. And you know, I'll simply answer them "Even you choose what clothes you are going to buy, then for getting someone special, you don't need to choose. Oh, really." I think I'm quite open to everyone, but there're always something that can't work between us. So, if I still try to have a serious relationship with them, then it can't work, and we're end for times, people will say that I'm such a playing heart person. You see, people will judge you all the time in your life. I think the quote "don't judge book by its cover" can't really applied. It's nature, everyone will judge you of everything you've done in front of them, no need knowing reason, or anything else.

Half year stay in this busy city, how do I feel? Yes, you're right. I haven't my soul here. These six months are like mix flavors, can't be described, can't be told by words, just can be felt. Then, they all will become old memories. And I'll miss those old memories again when I reach another point of my life. So, missing those old memories is a fun thing absorbed in thought. 

Thank you for listening to me again, see you then!

The Owner of My Half Heart

Ada yang berkata masing-masing dari kita hanya memiliki setengah isi dari hati kita, untuk itu kita akan menemukannya bagian setengah lainnya pada orang lain untuk membuatnya sempurna.

Aku sering bertanya, di mana dan kapan aku menemukannya, dan pada siapakah bagian lainnya. Jawaban klise yang kudapat hanyalah "kamu akan menemukannya di tempat yang tepat, dalam waktu yang tepat, dan pada orang yang tepat. Pertanyaanku lebih lanjut, bagaimana aku mengetahui tepat itu. Jawaban atas pertanyaan itu adalah "kamu akan mengetahuinya dan merasakannya jika itu tepat".

Apakah sebuah kebetulan mungkin saja menjadi proses dari aku menemukannya? Jika demikian, aku telah mengalami banyak kebetulan dan hingga kini belum menemukannya. Ataukah aku tidak cukup peka untuk menyadari sebenarnya dia telah berada di sekitarku selama ini? Telah banyak kisah kulewati hingga banyak yang menyebutnya sebuah petualangan. Apakah kisah yang lama akan berakhir bahagia? Percaya padaku, mungkin itu akan terdengar romantis dan mengesankan saat diceritakan, namun itu tidak menjamin sebuah akhir yang diinginkan. Aku telah mengalaminya beberapa diantaranya dan aku terlihat bodoh membiarkan kisah baru untuk menyakitiku.

Setengah bagian ada dimanakah dirimu? Mungkinkah kamu masih berada di suatu tempat yang jauh hingga aku belum menemukanmu? Ataukah aku yang terlalu mengabaikan hingga tidak menyadari? Ataukah kamu memang belum menunjukkan sinarmu di dekatku?

"Pasangan seperti apa yang kamu inginkan?" itulah pertanyaan yang sering kudengar. Banyak temanku yang lain menyatakan aku terlalu pemilih. Bukankah memilih telah menjadi bagian dari hidup, setiap hari sejak kita membuka mata hingga menutup mata, kita selalu berhak memilih. Jika aku belum merasa sesuai dengan siapapun, bukankah tidak memilih juga merupakan sebuah pilihan? Aku tidak tahu pria dengan rupa seperti apa yang kuinginkan, karena begitu banyak pria di luar sana dengan kriteria yang sama, namun tetap saja tidak berarti apa-apa. Mama pernah berkata padaku, "carilah pria yang mampu menerimamu apa adanya, kelebihan dan kekuranganmu, dan cintailah kekurangan pria itu sehingga kamu akan bahagia karena kelebihannya." 

Saat ini aku sedang berada pada proses menemukannya. Mengapa aku tidak menggunakan "mencarinya" karena aku yakin dia telah ada di suatu tempat dan suatu waktu. Aku hanya perlu menyadari dan menemukan tempat serta waktu yang tepat itu. Aku hanya perlu berjalan terus dan dia akan ada telah di ujung jalan menungguku. Aku tidak mengharapkan perjalananku romantis dan mengharukan seperti di film, karena aku dan dia akan membuat kisah romantis versi kami. Begitu indah bukan?

So, the owner of my half heart, just keep waiting because one day we will meet in the right place and at the right time. See you!