Minimalism is believing there is such a thing as enough.
Minimalism, as a lifestyle, is the art of letting go.
I've learned that minimalism is not about what you own,
it's about why you own it.
Hey! It's been a while, 9 months passed and 3 days left to the new year. How is my feeling?
I think it's the same, try to be happy hahaha.
What I can say about this year? It's not easy year. It's really tough, stressful and make me depressed a lot in all my roles, as daughter, wife, mom, friend, or maybe the wrong part is at me.
For me, to stay alive till today is very good. Some of my friends couldn't make it, at around my age so it's hard to believe age is really just numbers.
I realize this year I'm sick, not physically but mentally. I'm going crazy, lots of loss controls.
I'm really doing very bad. I'm not myself. I lose myself and I keep asking "why" and "what if".
Is this called mental illness?
I think he is the one got sick and looked for doctor, he got that lucky chance but still for me he didn't back like years ago, the person who I was willing to give up my plans just to be here with him. Some of them said marriage in years make us losing those sparks. Well, I don't know but I think we all change as time goes.
Why do we change? Because of the kids? We should be grateful having kids, couple twins, while there are so many couples trying hard to have a baby.
We change because we can't accept and let go.
We want everything we plan is going to happen, the fact is, things are unpredictable and we can't accept them. So we felt stressful and change ourselves become somebody not ourselves anymore and pretend us as victims. The truth is the opposite, we all know the cause is how we react to all conditions happened.
My kids are 3yo now. If two is terrible then people say three is terrible.
I believe they are just smart kids at annoying stage, not every time kids can obey.
All my exhaustion nothing to do with them actually. They are used to my care and attention for two years, only me, you can count the word mama from they open their eyes till sleep, it gonna make very rich if you can rate haha. There is I need to break and have me time, I can't have it so I'm depressed. I try some parenting guidelines make them obey but they still make me so hectic, then I realize this is the stage I should go through, every parents do, not only me. I admit I'm confused, soft and hard way I tried but still didn't work. Because they simply just want the mama who make time for them full for two years. They didn't know I'm at tired point, yeah kids can't be wrong. They are my lovely kids I've prayed before.
I'm not the perfect mama, far away from the perfect one, but I still the best one for them, no doubt. The best and the only one in this world hahaha.
As wife, my hubby changed, I don't know since I can't read what inside somebody's heart.
The main problem is we didn't communicate well. The listen and the talk didn't go smoothly.
I often say what I want but he can't accept.
He keep doing things I don't like and I can't accept.
Around us lots of things we got to handle, kids, work, family so yeah chaos.
There are times I gonna leave but till today I'm still stay beside him.
Despite of his chaos, he is the one I've chosen before, all the changes happened, I took part because I'm his life partner. So, I gonna give both of us chance to make it again.
For marriage and having kids, you need not only stable economy but also mentally readiness.
Even you can pay everything, but the things going your mind can ruin yourself, spouse, work, family and everything. After all, we can't turn back time, having twins is such a blessing and colorful. Stay but apart, Happy but sad, Passion but exhaust. That's how life goes too, we need both of them anyway, just should upgrade the good ones and downgrade the bad ones.
For business, this year worse than last, sales drop effect drop income, but since pandemic we didn't travel so we can save. But seeing the condition now I'm having, if you ask me to upgrade my income so I can spend more because save is damn hard. I choose spend less so no need to upgrade my income (read : expanding my business). I'm really done handling human resources, even now I choose to have no maid. I gonna save more, spend less and invest in resources that I didn't have to take care human resources. Anyway, it's just my side income, I should not push myself hard, I do business to have me time, donate more, and save a lil more.
So, I reflect myself as the year ending, about everything, about all those loss controls, angers, sadness, depression.
It's not Livia I want for myself, this version of Livia, I even dislike her.
Then, I started about last month I think, what things make me burdened, put a lil much stress for me then I try to handle them.
Let me conclude the only resolution I want for 2022 is MINIMALISM.
There are lot of things make hectic as I want things achieving more or upgrading so pushed me work harder then I couldn't afford that my ability was at the maximum point.
Actually, I need not much and things around me just too much and draining my energy to take care of them all. I can't let go so I hold them too many in my hand.
So, I really need to train myself to know the point of "enough" and "that's okay".
The messy home when I'm tired is okay, just take a day off.
The annoying kids is okay, just the stage both of us should face.
The moments I lost controls is okay, just practice to control by steps.
The unneat hubby is okay, just try to communicate again.
The drop sales is okay, just your side income.
The alone you is okay, just have a me time.
Everything is okay, just keep being better.
The target for new year is minimalize everything.
Life, income, expense, things, home, clothes, everything in my life and my family.
Hopefully I can have a new smaller home so no need to take a lot of stuffs I even rarely look or use them.
Hopefully my saving plan is enough for everything, home, education, traveling, investment, retirement.
Shopping less, choose only what I need rather than I want.
Worry less, Depressed less, more happy, more accept and let go.
By the way, I start to let go some of my stuffs, having less is good.
Though those stuffs have lot of memories but they can't stay with me forever.
I can't afford take care lot f stuffs, things, people, so I gonna picked some which I really need.
I wanna live simply and those memories still gonna remain in my heart.
In the end, all i wanna say for 2022 is minimalism, yeah it's really nice and I can't wait to continue to stay alive, walk through ups and downs, to live without no regret.
As this year ends, I wish all the negativity and difficulties also end with this year and that 2022 bring success and happiness for you.
As we look to the new year, hold on to what is good. Let go of what is bad. It really is that simple.
Stay happy and healthy
