Once cloudy evening...

I've posted these words to my twitter account. I wrote this when I was sitting at the park after Audit Day 2013, I was waiting my friends for dinner. Nothing to do, so just wrote this. Seeing people moved and so do my fingers typed.

There are things others did that I can’t tolerate because in my thinking, they can do better but they just don’t want to sacrifice.

And at some points, why do some people can’t think of pleasing others instead of their own needs? Lower their needs to make others happy.

Actually lower their needs a little will not harm everything. But when they don’t do it, makes others suffering.

No one is happy to be the second. The second person you ask when the first one can’t. The second priority is not interesting at all.

When others choose you to be the second of theirs, I think you may feel free to refuse if you’re not happy. If you are, then just accept.

And one simple question, if you can be the first in other’s priority, why you stay to be the second in his/her. It’s simply because of LOVE.

I believe everyone has their own priorities, there’s no right or wrong to be first, second, or last. As long as you can match them, go on…

If doing so makes you suffering, just move on and create a new beginning. Sometimes not all beginning has happy ending.

Sometimes a beginning could end in once upon a time either history.

No need a bullshit promise to please everyone. It might sounds sweet but feeling bitter.

7th Month in 22nd

Hey, my dear? How do you do? Time moves so fast, doesn’t it? It’s one month passed for this new year which means I’m counting down my months toward the new age. Talking about this month, it’s a shopping month. This month I can’t stop shopping, I bought several dresses and kept buying other stuffs. Seems that so long I never do it. My work was not so much because first two weeks of this month I was preparing my project presentation due to my permanent employee status. To be honest, actually I didn’t feel so nervous. For me, those 20 minutes couldn’t judge me whether I was assigned to be a permanent employee or not. There were other factors to be considered and the presentation was just a procedure that you ought to do it. After that presentation done well, I was sick, bad flu and cough for almost two weeks. On the third week, one of my best friend moved to Jakarta especially near my place and working here. I’m glad you know dear, having one more friend beside me. It’s just so precious. But the last week of this month was really damn precious times. On Thursday, January 7, me and Maria, my fatty pals *haha* went to the saloon to have a hair-spa, relax time after one week working for her. Then, Friday, I attended Audit Day 2013 at Astra International. All the internal auditors gathered in that event. The dresscode was formal business suit and I won the best dresscode then got a cdma handphone, quite good right? :p For your information my dear, this year was dragon year and going to have a new year which is snake year. The day before Chinese New Year, I was picked up by the driver of my grandma’s sister to have a Chinese new year eve buffet dinner at SwissBel Hotel. The food and pastries was delicious and I meet some of my other families who half of them I never met before. When I was on my way back, someone called me saying he was on the way to my place. Can you guess dear, who is he? Yeah, him. He made surprise back to Indonesia without telling me. Though, I had the feeling he would be back, but he didn’t tell me anything, so I thought my feeling was wrong. I haven’t believed yet till he appeared in front of my gate. Yes, it’s him, dear, it’s really him, there, standing in front of me, I could touch him, he was back to me. That time I decided I was losing my hope, but the time he came to me makes me getting my hope again. Confused, didn’t know how my feeling was. I was preventing my heart, but once again felt like wanna give up, just wanna be with him no matter what. Do I love him? I think yes dear. What should I do now? Still preventing or just still hoping? We spent the night together, seeing his face make me so happy. I spent Chinese New Year lunch with him and Vero. We had lunch buffet then sightseeing in that mall, tired, and hanging out at Starbucks, long time no see this coffee shop JHe tried several formal coats and blazers, this was the first time he wore the formal suits and I was speechless, so handsome :). Can you guess what I imagined at that time? One day he is going to wear that kind of formal suit for our wedding day, what a wild imagination haha. After that, we had a movie date “Die Hard” a film by Bruce Willis, good action movie. I do miss him so much dear, touching him, his hand holding mine, warm hugs, I’m just so special and those moments are precious one. He put me first priority in his going back, what I can expect more. I’m so selfish, aren’t me? It’s so enough to cure my missing him. I realized one point at that time, part of mine never let him go. L He’s still there, I just ignore the feeling. We met again and saw each other after 55 days apart, he counted day by day. I feel so appreciated to be his priority. I’m not grateful to have someone that doing these sweet things to me, am I? It’s still one thing that bother me, the confession. Since there is no confession, there’s one small piece missing. No matter what, I just thank having him with spontaneous surprises in showing his unique romantic ways. Thank you dear for making me feel special and worth. 

Travelling Partner is damn hard to find

Travelling is like flirting with life. It's like saying, "I would stay, but I have to go, this is my station."

Oh dear, I'm totally desperate now. It's so damn hard to ask someone travelling together. Why any of my friends have same passion with me? Okay, maybe I'm too naive. I'm working for travelling. So, what? If  I don't travel now, I'll travel next 20 years later I think, when my children grow up as me. I almost give up, dear, it's so tired listening all those rejections with kinds of reasons.

Tired. Desperate. Wanna cry. Hopeless. Almost give up.

I hate listening to the sentence, "Sorry, I can't. Just try ask others whether they wanna go." It's much better they just said," Sorry, I can't." There's no need to give me that useless advice. Can they just think, if themselves can't, others might having the same thing. More displease when someone said,"Wait, let me ask A first whether she wanna go." Later on she would say,"I'm sorry, A don't wanna go, so do I." Do they never feel how my feeling is hearing that answer, that kind of rejection, it's hurt so much.

Travelling is the only thing you buy in life, that makes you richer.

Sometimes, I think do I need travelling alone? I'm stressed out if I don't travel for a long time. I save money for the first priority of mine, travelling. Am I so pity who don't have any friend to travel together. So poor of me. Why do any of them have the same thinking with me? If we, especially, women, don't travel at this time, when we're single, no responsible, later on, after we get marriage, we are going to think about children and family. Money is useful for schools, courses, milk, nutrition food, others. We might not think about travelling anymore, there're lot of things need money. We will travel again when our children's age as ours now. Buddha, bless me, I can travel with a friend, just one, I don't ask too much.

The trouble with travelling back later on is that you can never repeat the same experience.