How that jealous feeling is...

Oh dear, sometimes I wonder how that jealous feeling is...

I just wonder if other girls in my position don’t feel any jealous seeing their boyfriends upload photos of other girls. Some of those girls are models, some of them are just friends, and your boyfriend doesn’t take the photography as a job. How does it feel? Or I’m just kind of sensitive. Thousand times I remind myself that he did it for just a hobby, and dozen times those comments are so annoying. Dozen years ago, there was no social media, did everybody’s relationship go well and not being influenced by those unimportant people’s comments?

I just wonder how does it feel to other girls? It doesn’t mean I like to compare one another but sometimes I just need that mirror for me. So, that I can reflect clearly and not blind of those things. Yes, it’s bother me. And the only one can handle that feeling is myself whether I wanna this feeling getting bigger or just kill it. You know, I think LDR is really tough enough and when those cute comments with smiley, flirty, too friendly words mark up my emotions. How I wish I can pull them out.

I don’t know what the exactly definition of this feeling. Jealous? Annoy? Bother? Or whatever? What do I need now? Patience? Not so worry? Stay cold? I realize that we’re not good travlling partner. He keep telling me the living in that country is so bored and he needs to refresh his mind by doing something as traveling or other kind of activities. But, seems that he’s always so busy with his friends invitations.  He could go traveling with his friends and went back with the photos which contain the photoshoot. I went traveling with my friend and mom or my family. He said he did that traveling well without any well preparation, so he did it well without me, then why should I go with him. Maybe if I went with him, he couldn’t do any photoshoots with the girl there right? Haha…  He could take a look other country for the weekend getaway and did the photoshoot, he said it went well, he didn’t need me anymore I think.  He came back with the photoshoot posted in facebook, I just wonder he took a look that country or took photos of the girl. And I should accept that as his hobby? Is it ridiculous dear? Or we just have different thinking of traveling concepts?

He said to me that he can’t truly happy there without me, but seems what he did, doesn’t reflect he is unhappy, or he’s just not show it up, or I just can’t understand. I don’t know. He dislike taking photos of himself, but in the facebook, lots of photos taken with his friends, even more than with me. I just think whom he’s in relationship with, his friends or me? I completely understand we’re in a long distance relationship, our time with friends will be more than the partner. 

You know dear, one time, I believe him though he isn’t be my side. Lately, I can’t make it again. Now, for me, once someone can’t be reached by our sights, you should put down your trust level half. There’s a saying, if you love someone, you’ll trust them. Maybe yes, or maybe no. Who knows? But I still agree, if someone’s yours, try to make him stay, if he doesn’t stay, then he’s not yours.