Minimalism for 2022

Minimalism is believing there is such a thing as enough.
Minimalism, as a lifestyle, is the art of letting go.
I've learned that minimalism is not about what you own,
it's about why you own it.

Hey! It's been a while, 9 months passed and 3 days left to the new year. How is my feeling? 

I think it's the same, try to be happy hahaha.

What I can say about this year? It's not easy year. It's really tough, stressful and make me depressed a lot in all my roles, as daughter, wife, mom, friend, or maybe the wrong part is at me.

For me, to stay alive till today is very good. Some of my friends couldn't make it, at around my age so it's hard to believe age is really just numbers.

I realize this year I'm sick, not physically but mentally. I'm going crazy, lots of loss controls. 

I'm really doing very bad. I'm not myself. I lose myself and I keep asking "why" and "what if".

Is this called mental illness?

I think he is the one got sick and looked for doctor, he got that lucky chance but still for me he didn't back like years ago, the person who I was willing to give up my plans just to be here with him. Some of them said marriage in years make us losing those sparks. Well, I don't know but I think we all change as time goes.

Why do we change? Because of the kids? We should be grateful having kids, couple twins, while there are so many couples trying hard to have a baby.

We change because we can't accept and let go. 

We want everything we plan is going to happen, the fact is, things are unpredictable and we can't accept them. So we felt stressful and change ourselves become somebody not ourselves anymore and pretend us as victims. The truth is the opposite, we all know the cause is how we react to all conditions happened.

My kids are 3yo now. If two is terrible then people say three is terrible.

I believe they are just smart kids at annoying stage, not every time kids can obey.

All my exhaustion nothing to do with them actually. They are used to my care and attention for two years, only me, you can count the word mama from they open their eyes till sleep, it gonna make very rich if you can rate haha. There is I need to break and have me time, I can't have it so I'm depressed. I try some parenting guidelines make them obey but they still make me so hectic, then I realize this is the stage I should go through, every parents do, not only me. I admit I'm confused, soft and hard way I tried but still didn't work. Because they simply just want the mama who make time for them full for two years. They didn't know I'm at tired point, yeah kids can't be wrong. They are my lovely kids I've prayed before.

I'm not the perfect mama, far away from the perfect one, but I still the best one for them, no doubt. The best and the only one in this world hahaha.

As wife, my hubby changed, I don't know since I can't read what inside somebody's heart.

The main problem is we didn't communicate well. The listen and the talk didn't go smoothly.

I often say what I want but he can't accept.

He keep doing things I don't like and I can't accept.

Around us lots of things we got to handle, kids, work, family so yeah chaos.

There are times I gonna leave but till today I'm still stay beside him.

Despite of his chaos, he is the one I've chosen before, all the changes happened, I took part because I'm his life partner. So, I gonna give both of us chance to make it again.

For marriage and having kids, you need not only stable economy but also mentally readiness.

Even you can pay everything, but the things going your mind can ruin yourself, spouse, work, family and everything. After all, we can't turn back time, having twins is such a blessing and colorful. Stay but apart, Happy but sad, Passion but exhaust. That's how life goes too, we need both of them anyway, just should upgrade the good ones and downgrade the bad ones.

For business, this year worse than last, sales drop effect drop income, but since pandemic we didn't travel so we can save. But seeing the condition now I'm having, if you ask me to  upgrade my income so I can spend more because save is damn hard. I choose spend less so no need to upgrade my income (read : expanding my business). I'm really done handling human resources, even now I choose to have no maid. I gonna save more, spend less and invest in resources that I didn't have to take care human resources. Anyway, it's just my side income, I should not push myself hard, I do business to have me time, donate more, and save a lil more. 

So, I reflect myself as the year ending, about everything, about all those loss controls, angers, sadness, depression.

It's not Livia I want for myself, this version of Livia, I even dislike her.

Then, I started about last month I think, what things make me burdened, put a lil much stress for me then I try to handle them.

Let me conclude the only resolution I want for 2022 is MINIMALISM.

 

There are lot of things make hectic as I want things achieving more or upgrading so pushed me work harder then I couldn't afford that my ability was at the maximum point.

Actually, I need not much and things around me just too much and draining my energy to take care of them all. I can't let go so I hold them too many in my hand.

So, I really need to train myself to know the point of "enough" and "that's okay".

The messy home when I'm tired is okay, just take a day off.

The annoying kids is okay, just the stage both of us should face.

The moments I lost controls is okay, just practice to control by steps.

The unneat hubby is okay, just try to communicate again.

The drop sales is okay, just your side income.

The alone you is okay, just have a me time.

Everything is okay, just keep being better.

The target for new year is minimalize everything. 

Life, income, expense, things, home, clothes, everything in my life and my family.

Hopefully I can have a new smaller home so no need to take a lot of stuffs I even rarely look or use them. 

Hopefully my saving plan is enough for everything, home, education, traveling, investment, retirement.

Shopping less, choose only what I need rather than I want.

Worry less, Depressed less, more happy, more accept and let go.

By the way, I start to let go some of my stuffs, having less is good.

Though those stuffs have lot of memories but they can't stay with me forever.

I can't afford take care lot f stuffs, things, people, so I gonna picked some which I really need.

I wanna live simply and those memories still gonna remain in my heart. 

In the end, all i wanna say for 2022 is minimalism, yeah it's really nice and I can't wait to continue to stay alive, walk through ups and downs, to live without no regret.

As this year ends, I wish all the negativity and difficulties also end with this year and that 2022 bring success and happiness for you.
As we look to the new year, hold on to what is good. Let go of what is bad. It really is that simple.
Stay happy and healthy

Lowest Point

How are you pals? Never imagine I am writing to you again after more than 3 years... 

The main question I think is "How do you do?" 

I'd like to answer "Stay grateful and try to be happy" even to all my friends.

As years passed, I still think my place is not here. Yeah, after all of these years, even now I got my own kids, they're so lovely couple twins anyway. For now, they are my purpose and my happiness.

Kabar sy dibilang ga buruk2 banget mungkin bagi sebagian kacamata orang, masih punya rumah, masih bisa tidur nyenyak, masih bisa makan yang diinginkan, punya anak2 yang lucu, mau beli apa masih punya uang. Di tengah pandemi, hal2 kayak gini sudah harus banget disyukuri. Well, seperti orang bilang ketika kita merasa susah, kita harus lihat orang yang lebih di bawah kita, yang hidupnya lebih susah dan hidupnya masih berjuang setiap harinya. That's right though. My mom selalu ulang2 begitu. Setidaknya sy hidup 6 tahun di sini, sy cukup berhasil, bisa kerja jadi foodies (meski sudah ga seaktif dulu sejak hamil dan punya twins), ada bisnis online untuk income tambahan dan bisa membesarkan twins yang lucu. 

Itu yang semua orang lihat, semua yang terlihat adalah yang sy ingin share via socmed. Is it ridiciulous kita share yang ga hepi? Tentu yang ingin kita share happiness dan keberhasilan. Banyak orang berpikir kind of show off atau aktualisasi diri. Well for me, itu lebih ke sharing positive vibes dan reminding myself to always be happy, no matter what I got things yang orang lihat sebagai kesuksesan/keberhasilan. I don't need pengakuan dari orang lain, I'm living my life not them. 

Lantas apa itu kind of lying to myself? Some of them maybe think like that, it's useless to pretend happy when I'm not. It's not pretend, I see it as I'm happy at the moments and always trying to always be happy. I'm not living in dreamland, everything gonna be perfect without problems and struggles. That's my way as reminder, I was happy and I should be happy.

I doubt but till this year I still think this place is really not for me. I gave up my freedom, career, best friends, bahkan tinggal lebih jauh dari my family to be here, to be with the person whom I think he's gonna be my good partner of life, gonna be good dad for my kids and his family is good. That's what I think 6 years ago and I never made an audit before about how his family was going, how his income came from and how his real character and habit. Well, I'm an auditor, but I never did it for my future life. The reason? I was afraid he or his family thought I was materialistic person, complicated, or else. After these years, I got my own daughter, for sure in future I gonna tell my daughter to figure everything, ask everything before she gets married so she can decide whether she wants to accept that kind of man with all his goods and bads, even accepts his family. I couldn't say I knew nothing but I knew a little, less than the fact and the real situation, so it makes me like I am trapped haha, it's not, it's my own fault, not others. Besides, 6 years here I got twins, my precious happiness ever in my life.

So, how about that lowest point comes to this 6th year? I was alone here, physically not alone but mentally I'm alone and I feel so depressed. Even sometimes I think I'd never wake up again next morning, then I think of my twins, they still need me, so I get that courage to keep my spirit up and continue day by day again. Is it enough to be the lowest point? Because I never have that feeling before ever in my life.

End december 2020, my laws got that pandemic disease, covid. Yah, ternyata after a year, ga lolos juga, I can't judge dari mana still they're not my parents, but they're not typical yang stay at home. Kalau sy 6 months ga keluar rumah, belanja pasar, dll via online sampai sekarang. Keluar sesekali pergi makan itu juga nyari tempat sepi atau bukan jam hectic. Nowadays as long as you have money, semuanya bisa online, sangat praktis. Keluar ke rumah cuma buat lepas penat dan jenuh. Can you imagine 6 bulan ga keluar rumah kadang putar jalanan di mobil aja 1-2x. All I can see everyday itu dinding rumah hahaha. So stressful right? Then, end December laws covid. 

Sy ga larang my hubby, cuma told him, it's okay dia mau take care his parents asalkan jangan sampai dia drop. Sy bukan lebay, semua orang di sekitar kami punya backup team masing2 except me. I'm all alone, no backup team. Brother and sisternya kalau terpapar covid dan harus isoman, masih ada keluarga lain yang bisa jaga their kids. I got none here, siapa jaga twins. Then, dia tiap hari tetap pp pergi lebih pagi pulang malam, I have no idea urus apa selain urus minum obat, Bro nya juga live in di sana, sementara hubby pp jadi lebih cape. I alone jaga kids sampai malam. Then, early january my maid covid. New year gift ha. I alone jaga kids, bersihkan rumah, plus masak karena sudah parno ga berani jajan after laws covid. 5 days after my maid, hubby covid. Bukan maid yang tularin ke dia, sepertiya dia yang tularin ke maid. Karena keluarga maid (maid pp) ga ada yang kena till today. Selama setahun pun dia aman pp. Possibility hubby yang tularin. After tau, dia mau stay di rumah karena mau di in laws katanya udah recovery stage, cuma di rumah itu ada kids, dan our home itu tertutup, ga ada sirkulasi. Pas itu lagi tren kloter keluarga yang whole family positive covid. Jadi my parents asked him isoman di apartment, so dia left tinggal di apartment. 

My days seperti biasa, kids juga skolah online, sy masih bersihkan rumah dan masak. Sometimes send makanan ke dia kalau sempat via gojek. All he said was sorry. Pas itu, I didn't need the word sorry, yang kubutuhkan dia sembuh. My parents so worry, bayangin anaknya sendiri di rumah, ruko pinggir jalan, left alone with two kids. Mereka ada akses cctv tiap hari bolak balik cek cctv then ga tahan my mom flied here padahal dia takut di SWAB dan harus 2x flight, masker on, no toilet, no eat/drink, dia stay di Jakarta semalam di rumah dd dan besoknya ke sini. I felt very useless, even I got married, I still need support my old mom jauh2 padahal di sini kami berdua bukan merantau, ada big family but still no solution. Ga ada tanya juga mau bantu apa. My laws bahkan ga dikasih tau hubby kena juga biar ga jadi pikiran. Then, how about me? Did they think how my feeling was at that time? Smua orang diprotect then how about me and my kids. Kalau ada apa2 dengan kami di rumah gimana.

Dari awal sy sudah bilang sy ga larang but the fact I'm alone, got no backup team, jadi please make sure jangan sampai tumbang. The word sorry was really useless for me. Sy jungkir balik deh no maid no hubby but still I tried my best. Kids tetap online school dan makan makanan bergizi buat boost immune then my mom came. After 3 weeks isoman, hasilnya tetap positive, but dia came back home juga. Kondisinya sangat berbeda, linglung, bingung, loss interest in everything and everyone. Awalnya kupikir mungkin efek dari sakit, ternyata dia depresi.

Till I'm writing this, kondisinya masih sama. From end december sampai end march, 4 months already, orang yang paling menderita itu sy dan seharusnya yang depresi itu juga sy. Semua orang sudah kelar, sembuh dari sakit, sudah back to normal life, but me ya masih berjuang. Most crazy months of my life but yet made me became so strong and tough. Ada beberapa hal yang dulunya pikir I couldn't make it but hey I made it. One of them is living without him.

It's really serious matter right. I was surprised I could say it yes I can. 2 weeks alone with kids, took care everything and matters, I realized I could make it without him. Dulu sy penganut ga ada yang namanya LDM long distance marriage. Kalau sudah merit baru pisah gitu mending ga usah, after these beneran change my mind, ga masalah bahkan banyak couple milih begitu mungkin lebih nyaman. 

Dulunya my hubby orang yang ga rapi, berantakan, clumsy, barangnya bisa nyebar sana sini dan dia ga bisa ingat, ambil apa2 ga pernah rapi. Sebelum punya kids, it's okay my wife as job buat beresin toh ga da kerjaan lain. After having kids, sangat sangat draining my energy, it's like taking care 3 babies. Bahkan twins kadang lebih rapi dibanding papanya, mereka suka susun sendiri. Setelah depresi ini, twice, bayangin parahnya, dua kali lipat dari biasanya. Beneran dia ga punya interest di apapun dan siapapun. Usahanya, anak2, istri, kopi, dll smua ga ada, kayak ga semangat sama sekali. Barang2 semua berantakan. Udah habis covid malah gini, itu beneran bikin badan ku rontok serontok2nya. But I got no choice, ga bisa ngapa2in selain survive. My kids itu seumuran, even now mau balik kerja siapa jaga mereka. Pakai nanny harus 2 dan untuk hire nanny okay yang bisa dilepas selain hoki pun harus punya budget. Kerja di sini mau kerja apa buat bisa hire 2 nanny dan kebutuhan sehari2, siapa mau gaji mamak2 umur 30 tahunan. 

I tell him my feeling, I'm not type of silence mode on person. Sy selalu speak up what I like and not, everything I want, I feel. Di socmed aja I often speak about my daily except my relationship. Untuk relationship dari dulu memang sy tipe tertutup karena it's private matter but udah ga tahan jadi tuangkan di sini. Hubby orang nya cuek dan tipe seperti itu, biasanya discuss apa2 pun banyak dia ga ingat dibanding ingatnya. Kadang pun ga fokus, jadi physically ga alone tp mentally I'm alone, mau ngomong ke siapa. Sudah tiap hari cuma di rumah sama kids jarang keluar, teman hangout pun ga ada, hanya ada beberapa teman dekat yang sangat jarang kita meetup yang lain ya kenal2 gitu aja. Mau sharing something ya pasti ke hubby tapi ya dianya model gitu, cuek, ga fokus. Besok 6th anniversary, sy tanya mau gimana, he got no idea, ya because of depression jadi ga da interest, tapi tahun2 lalu juga gitu I'm the one who arranged dinner, gift, atau lil celebration, selalu sy, lama2 malas juga kan kalau relationship usahanya cuma dari satu sisi.

Yah, dokter cuma bilang sabar memang kondisi dia begini. To be honest, sy sudah coba banyak metode mulai dari support dia dengan kata2 manis hingga extreme bilang anakmu gimana nanti kalau papanya gini, but still didn't work. Terakhir ke dokter, I told doc mungkin nanti pas dia sembuh, sy yang nyusul depresi. Kata doc nya it can happen, ga mudah staying di sampingnya memang, sy harus kuat. Sy bilang masalahnya semua omongan dia negative vibes, komplain, keluhan, semua yang ga enak didengar sementara badan dan pikiran kita udah sangat super lelah. Bahkan kadang twins rewel dikit sy bisa mukul twins, I think I gonna crazy juga, kids yang kulahirkan, take care, kusayang2 malah kupukulin karena emosiku dan suasana hati ga stabil, uncontrollable. Sampai mamaku marahin, they are my kids. I keep telling myself I'm strong enough, kalau ga strong ga mungkin ada situasi gini. I can walk through these all. Sekarang sudah lebih bisa kontrol dan let go. 

Sometimes I think selain twins, my 6 years life here useless. If I can turn back time, I didn't want to come here because this place is never belong to me. 

So am I happy all these years? Yeah, the same answer I'm trying to be happy. Even today I'm still staying here, who knows in the future? For kids, education lebih bagus di Jawa. What I need now is saving for my twins future. Mereka ga bisa stay di sini dengan kondisi lingkungan yang nyantai, no fighting spirit, without warisan haha. Kecuali I'm crazy rich ya never mind mereka mau budaya nyantai. Mereka gimanapun harus ke Jawa, minimal kuliah harus di sana, get new friends, get new experiences, to become better and good. For now, my only choice is to survive. Thank you for reading, I wish you all stay happy and healthy.

27th!

Hello Pals! So so long time no see ya. I don't know where to start from....

Lots lots lots of things happened in 26th. People come and go, hectic, chaos, all blended like mixed ice in my bowl make me have no time or too exhausted to write everything to you like I used to. I wish you can understand me as well. 

It's only one day in whole year you may call it "your day", the day you born in this world. Come to the stage #27th wishing myself mores ahead, more healthy, more happy, more mature, more success, more tough, many mores and be better person. As usual, my birthday celebration with the unlucky kids out there. More about me, I'll like to share on my instagram. My daily activities, my cook, some things, the other things I think it's safe to keep them for myself. 

So, what progress now? Hmm... I'm planning for my "second baby" yeah, new small business upcoming this year around 2 months from now. I'm preparing the menu and place now. Working alone is not that easy. My brain got stucked sometimes hehe... Hmmm the real baby still not yet. Hubby continue to look for another doctor and maybe last one. If this one doesn't work, we plan to have his/her through IVF next year after this second kedai going well. Me, myself, after long time no check it up, these recent months the result not so good, wish next time everything gonna be okay.

Aha! if you look at my blog, i changed the background. Me and my hubby just went for another long trip as 2nd anniversary celebration and as 2nd honeymoon. But you see, that's not the time hehe... Stressedful? I wish no, but if that's the only question people asked you everytime they texted you or talked with you, so how will you feel? Hahaha... Why people in Indonesia so kepo? Yah. that's natural things I think. We believe in karma, it's not our time yet, what we can do is do our best till the time has come.

The rest about my other things, the city, environment, society, friends, still the same. So, I think I'm the one should work harder to care less.

Ok pals, I'm not sure I could write to you regularly, so see you next chance.

Thank You 2016 and Welcome 2017

Counting down to another new year. Overall, how 2016 for me? It's roller coaster year, a lot of ups and downs, yet a lot of happiness and sadness, yet a lot of losing and winning, the last a lot to be grateful. Yeah, do I like this year? So far so good. Everything going well. Hopefully, next year will be better. How about my wishlists? Just a few ha. More years ahead, less wishes. Is it good? 

Having "new baby" this year, it's already 8 months old, still can't walk itself, human resouces here are really really sucks, but it's really challenging me to add another baby next year I think as the real baby not coming yet, still try and try again and again. I'm writing to you here at Kedai Bakso, my very first project, very first baby, that I'm excited till exhausted haha, no matter what still love it with all my heart and soul. The more it grows, the more people I can help. This baby is for traveling and charity. So I'm gonna keep fighting for it and hope for next one in next year.

I'm wishing another long flight next year, hope everything going well. Then.. hmmm.. what more? Yeah, got real babies, hubby jiayou! Hoping next year less stressed living in this town. I think those all I'm wishing for next upcoming year.

Anyway, thank you so much 2016,.doing goods and bads, through ups and downs, 2016 impressed me well, new challenge that make my life more colorful, make me more busy, make my passion about food growing up and up. Hope I can be better and better next year.

So, thank you 2016 and welcome 2017

Long time no see pals...

Long time no see pals...

If you're asking whether I'm doing good or not. Yeah, things should be enjoyed whether it's being good or not. Especially for six months old "new baby", no it's not real baby, it's my very first business called "Kedai Bakso" opened in mid May 2016. Lots of ups and downs for sure especially for the human resources, but believe me food business is challenging, beefballs even more. So, through everything happened, I proudly open this till the minutes I'm writing this in not so unknown road, so i think it's not bad. Even, with this small business I could make my parents come to visit me. How other things go besides this? This early month I've just visited hometown. Yeah, finally after 1 year 7 months I went back for my bestie's wedding party, yesss finally you got married dear, welcome to marriage life and enjoy the rides. A week spend at hometown then we traveled to Penang and KL for a week more. Refreshed mind for a while. We did some check up for my hubby's fertility and the result was just the same we got in Makassar, the only way is IVF. So, let's pray for the best, good or bad who knows? Maybe it's not just the time we have babies, we don't have plan doing IVF, we just wanna have them in normal ways, all doctors said so little chance, but my hubby said, he believe someday we will, he keep eating some herbal medicines to increase his fertility. Pray for the best! We enjoyed Penang so much, we both love vintages, old things, those memories, they all simply beautiful, we fell in love more and more with those ancient things from centuries. It's memorable trip anyway and thanks to my beloved mom be our photographer so we got lots of great couple photos, you can check on my ig  https://www.instagram.com/liviasalim/ The food there were really cheap and delicious, the fashion, shoes, bags were cheap, your budget seems a lot when you spent in Penang or KL. KL was a lil bit higher budget more less Jakarta. 

31 days to another year! How time flies so damn fast. Lots of plans for next year. Babies of course always on my plan till done hahaha... business plans, trip plans, yeah life is all about planning and saving budget. So, these months I stop writing because of hectic ups and downs with this kedai, friends, family, everything. 2015 is like riding roller coaster, but overall, thank you for all experiences. See you soon!

1 April 2015 Snowy Swiss

Good morning Zurich! What a beautiful weather meski dingin bingits semoga tahan hari ini ke Mt. Titlis nyaaa brrr.

Heading to Mt. Titlis

Arrived!

Ready for the cold

The angel made from chocolate

lunch by this window

Jam favorit

Another Chinese cuisine, yang kali nih not bad

Ala2 dulu sbelum ngerasain aslinya

Orang2an swiss mahal banget foto pake bajunya jd sama orang2an nya aja wkwk

Andy Lau on the snow

Berguling di salju

Kiss from 3020 m, 10.000 feet

Glacier Cave

Bye Mt. Titlis

Setelah dari Mt. Titlis yang view snowy nya cakep, kami lanjut ke Lion Monument dan kota lain di Swiss yang ga kalah cantik juga kota di tepi danau Lucerne. Lucerne nih cakep banget view nya meski cuaca mendung dan hujan, kami masih semangat explore kota ini dan berakhir dengan shopping. Kota Swiss paling mahal dan shopping hellooooo kayak orang kaya aja yaa bukan shopping jam tangan lagi ckck... let's see apa yang gw shopping : COKLAT buat oleh2 oh em ji.

Apple pie lupa harganya berapa jual di pinggir danau

mana tahan kalo liat coklatttt

Oppa Swiss borju

Coklat yang enak dan mahal hahaha

Karena hunting coklat sana sini akhirnya skip dinner, bus kembali ke Movenpick dan perut belum diisi huhu... dinner di airport aja karena ada free shuttle bus ke airport. Bersama seorang teman tour, kami bertiga melakukan sidak di Zurich airport wkwk karena dah jam 9an toko2 pada tutup smua cuma foodcourt nya rameeee padahal harganya fantastis mahal to the max di atas 15 Euro semuaaaa.

Chicken pattaya 18.4 Euro

Narsis di Zurich airport

Good Night Zurich